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01/12/2004 at 12:49 PM GMT

"New year, new philosophy..."

First off happy new year to everyone who may choose to read this entry! I must also apologise for the lack of updates to the site, but the later end of last year got crazy at work, and I had many things to ponder over, as I generally do with the advent of a new year on the horizon. At last 2003 is out of the way - I can honestly say 2003 was not the best of years for me, although it was punctuated with a few highlights, like finally getting this website up and running, and meeting a few like minded people who have given me inspiration for a change in 2004.

Hopefully 2004 will be a much more eventfull year for Graphixa. Already I have been accepted into the "Guild of Erotic Artists", and I have been accepted for publication into the adult magazine "Jade", the dates of which have yet to be confirmed. Additionally I have been approached by a number of webmasters who want to include some of my imagery on their websites, with full recognition. So as you can see exciting times are ahead, and I intend more and more to happen, which I will update my log with, and the "News" page of the website as and when I know more.

2004 will also be a year of decisions. Choices about career directions, where my wife and I will live, and also how we will live. As some of you may have read, my wife and I have been toying with the idea of emigrating. Over the Christmas period we spent many hour discussing our situation, to no real solution, but we decided to start looking for a new house in our immediate area, as a short term solution. This would hopefully give us time to plan our possible "escape" from the UK. Firstly we are limited on our budget, secondly the area we live is difficult to find decent houses at the right price. There are plenty of nice expensive houses in the area, but try and find a reasonable priced house, with a little land, in a quiet area and you can kiss your chances good-bye. We actually started looking last year around August time, but we became so dispirited with the whole process we gave up until the new year. Within one week of restarting our search, we are both depressed, as the realisation is dawning that we may never find what we are looking for. Additionally in the back of our heads the thought of New Zealand is calling to us. Today I have a meeting with my bank manager to determine the actual amount of monbey we can borrow to add to the money we have from the sale of our old house. If we can only borrow a limited amount then it may look like the idea of New Zealand could become more possible. Additionally my current work contract ends in October. At that time I will have to either try and find a new job with my current employer, or look elsewhere.

So what do we do? Try and find a home here, and gamble on getting another job, or do we try New Zealand, be able to buy a house outright with no mortgage, and try getting employment there? If you know the answer to this, then please email me hahahahahaha. Additionally my PhD keeps rearing its ugly head. If I decide to continue with it, it will keep me busy upto the end of my contract, with no time to search for another job. If I get it, it will only be useful if I stay in academia, or if I continue in the field of research - neither particuarly inspire me. My gut says to not do it, but a little niggling devil in my head keeps saying I should. Again confusion rains in this area of my life. I spent many days over Christmas thinking about this, and my emotions are directed towards not doing it. As you can tell from my art, this is what I love doing, everything else makes me question myself though - is my art good enough? etc.

So as you can see I'm a little confused bunny at the moment, and I am praying for a push in the right direction - perhaps I should take it as a sign all the things that have happened with my art recently, the guild, the requests to use it etc. Perhaps it is just fear of the unknown holding me back. I just thank my lucky stars I have someone to share all of this with - my wife, who feels pretty much the same as I do.

So there we have it, a new year ramble through my confused brain, if anyone wants to comment on all this, I'd love to hear their views and insights - who knows it could provide the "push" we need.

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