Tuesday, February 3, 2004 at 04:41 PM GMT
"No update...... again."
Well yet another few weeks have passed and still no update from me :( . As much as I try to get things done, life always has a knack of throwing a spanner in the works just when you least expect it. Big changes are afoot in my life and its kinda hard to keep track and control of everything at the moment. Ah he's just making excuses you say - well like most people finding time to do what is ultimately a hobby is getting increasingly dificult at the moment. Any spare time I do have free of committments is spent talking to friends online. These friends are like minded people who have also been bitten by the digital art bug, so far from being a waste of time, I see it as time wisely spent learning from others, and gaining inspiration. It has to be said not everyone in my life see's it like that. I do have a number of exhibitions to create work for in the near future, and these are on my list of work to do. I 've also recently changed how I do my artwork, allowing me to render at much greater resolutions for print work. This has required something of a learning curve, and much more detailed postworking techniques in Photoshop to achieve the results I want. To this end I have nearly finished my latest piece. It is entitled "Gabrielle", and is a figurative study. Initially it will be viewable on this site and at other gallery sites on the internet, but it is my intention to sell it as a print, once I can find someone who can produced quality prints of the artwork. Hopefully the guild I am now part of will help with that process. The guild you ask? Well I may have mentioned it or not, but I am now a fully fledged member of the "Guild of Erotic Artists", I'll post a link in the links section later. Basically the Guild are a group of like minded natural media, and digital artists whose work is of an erotic nature. The Guild has growing popularity and news coverage, so I am grateful to have been accepted as a member. Hopefully I will be at a number of exhibitions this year, including the Erotica exhibition at Olympia London in November. For those of you who prefer my more conventional artwork, don't fear, as more work will be on its way shortly, again hopefully to eventually be sold as prints.
Well enough for today, as more news becomes available I'll update the site....... I promise!
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Monday, January 12, 2004 at 04:41 PM GMT
"New year, new philosophy..."
First off happy new year to everyone who may choose to read this entry! I must also apologise for the lack of updates to the site, but the later end of last year got crazy at work, and I had many things to ponder over, as I generally do with the advent of a new year on the horizon. At last 2003 is out of the way - I can honestly say 2003 was not the best of years for me, although it was punctuated with a few highlights, like finally getting this website up and running, and meeting a few like minded people who have given me inspiration for a change in 2004.
Hopefully 2004 will be a much more eventfull year for Graphixa. Already I have been accepted into the "Guild of Erotic Artists", and I have been accepted for publication into the adult magazine "Jade", the dates of which have yet to be confirmed. Additionally I have been approached by a number of webmasters who want to include some of my imagery on their websites, with full recognition. So as you can see exciting times are ahead, and I intend more and more to happen, which I will update my log with, and the "News" page of the website as and when I know more.
2004 will also be a year of decisions. Choices about career directions, where my wife and I will live, and also how we will live. As some of you may have read, my wife and I have been toying with the idea of emigrating. Over the Christmas period we spent many hour discussing our situation, to no real solution, but we decided to start looking for a new house in our immediate area, as a short term solution. This would hopefully give us time to plan our possible "escape" from the UK. Firstly we are limited on our budget, secondly the area we live is difficult to find decent houses at the right price. There are plenty of nice expensive houses in the area, but try and find a reasonable priced house, with a little land, in a quiet area and you can kiss your chances good-bye. We actually started looking last year around August time, but we became so dispirited with the whole process we gave up until the new year. Within one week of restarting our search, we are both depressed, as the realisation is dawning that we may never find what we are looking for. Additionally in the back of our heads the thought of New Zealand is calling to us. Today I have a meeting with my bank manager to determine the actual amount of monbey we can borrow to add to the money we have from the sale of our old house. If we can only borrow a limited amount then it may look like the idea of New Zealand could become more possible. Additionally my current work contract ends in October. At that time I will have to either try and find a new job with my current employer, or look elsewhere.
So what do we do? Try and find a home here, and gamble on getting another job, or do we try New Zealand, be able to buy a house outright with no mortgage, and try getting employment there? If you know the answer to this, then please email me hahahahahaha. Additionally my PhD keeps rearing its ugly head. If I decide to continue with it, it will keep me busy upto the end of my contract, with no time to search for another job. If I get it, it will only be useful if I stay in academia, or if I continue in the field of research - neither particuarly inspire me. My gut says to not do it, but a little niggling devil in my head keeps saying I should. Again confusion rains in this area of my life. I spent many days over Christmas thinking about this, and my emotions are directed towards not doing it. As you can tell from my art, this is what I love doing, everything else makes me question myself though - is my art good enough? etc.
So as you can see I'm a little confused bunny at the moment, and I am praying for a push in the right direction - perhaps I should take it as a sign all the things that have happened with my art recently, the guild, the requests to use it etc. Perhaps it is just fear of the unknown holding me back. I just thank my lucky stars I have someone to share all of this with - my wife, who feels pretty much the same as I do.
So there we have it, a new year ramble through my confused brain, if anyone wants to comment on all this, I'd love to hear their views and insights - who knows it could provide the "push" we need.
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Monday, November 17, 2003 at 04:41 PM GMT
"Exciting News"
Well, I'm just back from a hectic and hopefully successful weekend in London. I had a brilliant time, but I am absolutely shattered - I was tired before I went, but now I'm dead on my feet :). So what can I say about the weekend? Well, not a lot really, as a lot of plans have been put into place, that will hopefully happen in the next few months. Suffice to say it will be exciting for Graphixa.com, but I don't want to give too much information away at this time, as a lot of work has to be done before I can disclose whats happening. I will say that over the next few months many new images will appear on the site, the graphic novel will go into serious production, a new range of Poser products will be brokered, and more freebies will be posted.
Mysterious? Well, you will have to keep checking back for updates. I promise to try and update the site more frequently, especially with Christmas on the way. Lookout for more freebies soon, including the "Photoshop Painting with Water" tutorial.
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Tuesday, November 4, 2003 at 04:41 PM GMT
"Bored, bored, bored"
Well I'm back at work following a week off with the worst flu I've had for years, and I can honestly say I am bored senseless. I would rather be back in bed feeling like death warmed up, than be at work doing what I have to do. I think I have mentioned before that I am writing an academic journal paper, and it is something I hate doing. I suppose it comes from being a very visual person - I enjoy creating visually appealling things liek art, and sculpture. I also enjoy things like DIY, gardening, repair work and the like - all hands on things. But writing reports I absolutely detest. With my job, I enjoy the research and the programming, but doing the documentation afterwards is like pulling teeth for me.
I am also dreading writing up my PhD, which I start in the next month or so, after nearly a five year break. I am beginning to remember why I left this job the first time - boredom. I got to the point where I was so frustrated and fed up, that I moved into the e-learning industry as an Authorware developer. I spent 4 years in the industry, and thoroughly enjoyed every minute, until the dot.com bubble burst. In addition the last company I worked for had an absolute b*d for an MD, and he made his employee's lifes a nightmare. So I decided to leave the company, and due to personal circumstances, and the lack of local jobs in the e-learning industry I moved back into academia. I convinced myself that it was only a job purely for the money and nothing else, but after a month I started to get that "dying" feeling inside. Now I'm sure that some of you probably think I am just lazy, but that is far from the truth. If that was the case, this site would not be up and running, I would not update it as often as I try to do, I would not have a job, or a successful marriage, or be involved with the relevant projects I have an interest in, including my wifes craft business.
At the end of the day I just want to be happy in what I do - is that such a big thing to ask? I know we can't all do the jobs we would ultimately like to do, else we would all be sunbed testers in the Maldives (lol), but what is wrong with trying?
I seem to be surrounded by people with extreme work ethics - must work myself to the grave, for a faceless organisation, just to achieve five minutes of glory, to retire at the age of 65, with heart problems and a lifetime of regret realising I've wasted my life for someone else.
My work ethic is somewhat different. I want to work (and work hard), but I want to reap the benefits, have the successes, and the failures, according to my own rules, not someone elses. Its like my PhD, I'm not convinced I am doing it for myself, I think I am doing it for everyone else. Why else would I have given up the first time? This is not like me I DO NOT give up! I just have not settled it in my head yet, and that is why I keep putting it off.
I drive into work in the morning, and invariably get stuck in traffic. I look at all the gray faced drivers of the other cars, who have obviously been doing this for the whole of their working lives, and it scares the hell out of me. Is this what I am faced with for the rest of my career? A grey life, working in a grey job, coming home to a grey family, with odd bits of excitement at the weekend. This is just not me.
I sometimes think my family do not understand me. After going to university, they expected me to get a good office job, knuckle down, and not rock the boat for the rest of my life, just as they have done. I can't do that. Perhaps I am a restless spirit, but I know life has more to offer than just being a slave to the system. Yes money is an issue, but money can come from many different sources. About two years ago I fell ill, and had to take some time off work. I was reduced to about a third of my normal salary, but we survived, and we survived incredibly well. We also actually enjoyed the experience, as we felt we were actually "living" because we had to fight for every penny, and spend it wisely. It made us appreciate everything so much more. I still feel very much like that now.
I suppose I want to be the master of my own destiny, run my own "enterprise", in the way that I want. Fortunately my wife feels very much the same, so we are endeavoring to try various approaches to achieiving the way of life that we want. In the mean time I am stuck here with my paperwork, wishing the days away.
Boredom, as most people know is one of the worst feelings to have - it eats away at you until nothing is left. It is all very well saying, "oh just get on with it and get it out of the way", but as everyone knows its not easy to do - if you have something you really dislike doing or find boring, it is not easy to muster the enthusiam to get on with it. It can also have an adverse affect on your self confidence, it makes you lacklustre, and makes you look for distractions more and more.
Suffice to say I am undergoing a lot of re-evaluation of my life and career, and have been doing so for a few months now. This site is the first stepping stone along the path I want to take. I've got to try; I don't want to stand back in thirty years and regret that I never had a go. It takes courage to try these things, and that is something I am not short off - all my life I have had to be courageous in one form or another, and I am not about to stop now! Sometimes though it would just be nice to have someone hold your hand a little to guide you on your way, as no matter how talented you are, we all need help and support from time to time.
Anyway, enough waffle for today. Please don't think I am unhappy, as generally I am not. I love my wife, my family, my animals, I've just got a little lost a long the road of my life, and need pointing back in the correct direction. It will rectify itself, I know it will, I just don't know when and how. I often wish I was one of those "grey" people, who never question their life, and just get on with it, but then I realise how lucky I actually am, to have had my eyes opened to what life actually is, and what is important in it. This is in no way a religious thing, just a self awareness, and I can only hope and wish that anyone else reading this entry can experience the same thing. It is painfull, but ultimately satisfying as you see everything with different eyes. Just stand back from you life and start asking questions, and see where it takes you; you will be surprised.
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Wednesday, October 22, 2003 at 04:41 PM GMT
"Journals, leaky toilets, and rice"
Well I have finally reached the end of my energy reserve, I am absolutely knackered. I realise it has been quite a while since my last entry, but I have just seemed to be so busy lately. Work seems to be accelerating up an exponential curve at the moment, and I am having to do one of the things I hate the most - write an academic journal paper - AAARRRGGGHHH! I really struggle to conform to the "how to write a journal paper" routine, if I have got something to tell people I want to say it in my way, not having to make reference to some other bored academic every five minutes, just to justify opening my mouth on the subject. It makes my blood boil, the days seem like years, and gives me a dreadful headache in the process.
Anyway its been over three weeks since my last entry, and shit loads has happened. We (the wife and I - like "the King and I" only more scary) went over to France (Britany to be exact) primarily on business for me, but we decided to have a little looksy around. Potentially looking for somewhere to live really, as we are both a bit tired of the UK, and want to start a more "bohemian" life, in more relaxed environs. Well the business side went OK, but things went shall we say "tits-up" from that point onwards. After leaving the company I was visiting we travelled into central Britanny to stay at a gite I had booked via the internet - the first of two nights we had planned to stay in the area. On arrival we were greated by a representative of the owner who was not available ( not a good start), who was immediately apologetic for the state of the accommodation, before we had even entered the building. Well to say we were shocked is an understatement. It was damp, dingy and basic, and to top it all off we were greeted with a cascading waterfall in the kitchen - a leak from the toilet upstairs. The owners representative assured us that everything would be ok, after they had fiddled with the loo for 15 minutes, and siad to call them if any further problems occured. As you could guess we were not best pleased, but after a full days driving we were shattered and just wanted to sleep, so we accepted the situation. We both had a bath, a bite to eat, and went straight to bed. An hour later we were woken by the sound of dripping water, and we rushed down the stairs to find the kitchen awash with loo water, and the ceiling bowing. AARRGGHH. After about half an hour of fiddling with the loo the water flow was stopped, so we returned to bed to get some rest - ten minutes later it starts again......
A call was made to the owner who was conveniently not there, so a message was left for them to contact us. Suffice to say we were shit scared to use the loo, so we spent an unpleasent night of listening to the toilet empty itself into the kitchen, and having to empty ourselves (wee wee I might add) into the shower cubicle.
The next morning I unleashed the wife on the owner - not a pretty sight, they will be picking up body parts for years to come, but we did get our money back and bid a hasty retreat. I won't bore you with any more juicy detaisl other than if you go to Britanny in October for a break, you are going to struggle big time to find decent accommodation. After our "aqua" night we walked out on two hotels a day on average to find a decent bed for the night.
To summarise - we won't be considering lving in Britanny for a number of reasons - during the winter months you'll see more action in a stale cheese sandwich, and get a warmer welcome in a refrigerator. We all look at these TV programmes thinking "Oh wouldn't it be wonderful to live in France", as they paint a wonderfull picture of French life, but be warned its not as rosy as it seems, and most of the property certainly doesn't come anywhere near the standard most of us expect.
But hey enough moaning, its nearly time for dinner - hmmm, rice again I think........ ? Yep rice, unfortuantely self enforced as the wife has been put an exclusion diet for her irratable bowel syndrome for the next few weeks. Basically that means, wheat free, dairy free, yeast free, corn free, oat free, and taste free diet for her. To make life simpler I just eat what she does, but after three days I already feel like ripping out the intestines of the next doctor I see. So perhaps thats one of the reasons I am so tired, that and the fact that I am trying to do a million and one things.
Anyway, I promise I will update my galleries this week with at least two images, and from the end of the month there will be weekly updates. also I am hoping to have some cartoon artwork up shortly - just something else I am trying - lol - will I never learn?
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Monday, September 29, 2003 at 04:41 PM GMT
"Busy, busy, busy!"
Wel its been over a week since my last entry, but hey I'm only human and I do have a life out there...somewhere. Well I have been a busy bunny! I've been to London for an extended weekend, where we visited the new Lord of the Rings exhibition at the Science Museum. All I can say is AWESOME! If you like the films then this is one exihibition not to miss. There are props, miniatures, costumes, special effects, and documentaries that have all been brought together especially for this exhibition. If you live anywhere in Europe, then get yourself to the Science Museum in London, as this exhibition is not touring anywhere else in Europe.... ever!
While we were there we also popped into the Titannic exhibition, to see those items that had been salvaged from the wreck. All I can say is that I found it really morbid.... interesting, but morbid. To add to this the lighting was kept at a low level, so you were expecting to see the Captain's ghost at any minute. To be honest I'm not sure whether I think the exhibition is a good idea or not, it just seems to me that the organisers are making money from other peoples misery and grief, but then again I did pay to go in and see it.
Another highlight of the weekend, was a trip to Camden Market. I'm really into "alternative" stuff, so this was a paradise for me. Had I had my cheque book with me it could have been an expensive trip, as I saw so much stuff I would like, and that was just clothing! And no I'm not a Goth, or a wierdo, I just like things that are not run of the mill (a bit like me really - LOL). Suffice to say I resisted temptation, but we are planning a return trip in November, so I had better warn my bank manager.
Artwork wise, I have been a little slow lately. I am preoccupied with finding a new house, and the wife and myself are off to Britanny, France, next week to do just that. We have long dreamed of moving to Britanny, for the slower pace of life, and the better way of living. In my book simpler = better. Consequently we are madly contacting estate agents trying to arrange booking etc. Also I am trying to complete my wifes website for selling her crafts, and my Pharty Dog website as well. Not to mention another couples of sites I am trying to get up and running for other people. Busy, busy, busy!
So I am a little shocked to find that I have found time to do another image. So far I am really pleased with it. The render from Poser was really simple, but the postwork required is massive. Suffice to say it is a shower scene, and through a little bit of experimentation and reading various tutorials, I have found a way to paint with water in Photoshop, as if you are painting with a normal brush. You can create rivulets of water easily, and even pools on surfaces, and small droplets with ease. Once I have completed the image, hopefully in the next day or so, I will post a tutorial to explain how to do it.
Anyway enough babble for now.......
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Tuesday, September 16, 2003 at 04:41 PM GMT
"PhD - the bane of my life...."
Tuesday morning again. Another meeting regarding my PhD. I really am in two minds about it at the moment. I originally started it way back in 1994, but I lost interest, and became really disillusioned with it all. The whole idea of restarting my PhD emerged about 8 months ago, and at the time it seemed like a good idea, but know I'm not so sure.
Its not that I'm work shy (you only have to look at this website to realise that is not the case), I'm just not sure that it fits in with my plans for my life. Shall I elaborate? Oh why not.
For a while now my wife and myself have been unhappy living in the UK. Its not the people as such, we are just generally not content with the lifestyle, the cost of houses, and the way life seems to becoming more and more cut throat. We yearn for a more simplistic way of life, back to basics etc. You may laugh but we have often thought living like Tom and Barbara Good, from the English comedy show the "Good Life" would suit us down to the ground, i.e. being self sufficient.
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